Monday, November 21, 2011

how long can i still withstand with this?

i am tired
i dont know why
the same things
are repeating in my life
it had been a few years
and this particular thing
happened from time to time

maybe i should start this when i am in form4
started to know what is care
started to know how to concern others
i showed my care to few juniors
at the beginning
everything seems to be fine
nothing went wrong
we eat,we chat,we laugh,we hang out
we have so much fun
until a day when school counselor came to see me
i really broke down and cried on the particular day
in front of my counselor
that stop me from caring on others

till the year when i am in lower 6
someone came to me
again
things went smoothly
we get along very very well
the same thing happened
we eat,we chat,we laugh,we hang out
we have fun
until one day
people started to get bored over same thing?
wondered
we stop contact
again, i am emo
LOL
not long after that
about a year when i am in upper 6
someone shows care and concern on me
we soon get along well
we have so much fun together
so much laughter
so much caring and concern
time flies
about a month
i am being dumped at aside
wow
amazing
i am in U life now
thought that people get matured
thinking shall not be so naive
but i am still the same
the naive one
thinking that it is the best to show your care and concern to people around you
as long as they appreciate and treat you well too
not to expect too much
here come this person
we know each other from FB at the first place
we chat although we dont meet
still
i got that person a birthday present
because i were told that 
the particular person havent receive any present before
thought of 
it is going to bring laughter to him/her
same thing happen
i am being ignored
this is not the end
i met a particular person almost at the same time
well,i felt being concerned and cared
thought this might be due to my care and concern to others too
well
good thing doesnt last long
soon,i were being accused again
the same accusation that i met with when i am in form4 by then
is hurt
is painful
i am alone
try to just be alone
to be independent
no one can actually messed up my life
till i met with this person
description same as above mentioned
i am happy
thought i had found someone that can be my
comrade
in the end
i still have to stand on my feet
get back to the life
where i used to be
alone
being ignored
withdraw myself from all possibilities of being cared and concerned
shouldnt put too much hope in others
especially when you really care for that person
we will leave one day
just the matter of time
soon or later

how long can i still withstand this?
i dont know
please dont show me care and concern if you are fake
i would rather you treat me badly that i wont feel sad.

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