Monday, November 28, 2011

i love my mum!!!

have not been here for a few days
finally i went back to BP last weekends
although is only a short trip back
but i am really happy to be able to see my family members

well,i shall start telling part of the story of my family
will make it short and simple ^^

have to start when i am form 3,year 2006
well,a tough year for my family  guess
my father was ill
seriously ill in the beginning of the year
after several months of in and out from hospital
he was diagnosed to have lung cancer
and soon he passed away
because he cant withstand the chemotherapy
and the cancerous cells had started to spread
till his brain
it took less than a year
and throughout this period of time
my mum, a wonder woman i should said
had never left my father
she accompany my father to JB to undergo treatment
almost everything by her own
even though she were not familiar with the place at all
is hurt for me to see her being like this
she had been strong even after knowing my father's condition
in my memory,she had never shed a tear
until the day my father had to be sent for cremation

5 years passed
till now
my mum still as strong as before
and she is trying hard to get along with us
you know what
although i wont say out,but deep in me,i love my mum a lot
she had been always trying to fulfil our needs
thanks mum.




thanks mum for allowing me to buy this as my birthday present for this year..
i will remember what i had promised
your expectation will be my motivation^^

*wishing*

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

please stop

can you please stop raining?
although i like the cold wind out there
but i dont need you crying for few hours
please be strong enough to carry your tears
is ok that you cried once in a while
not too long please
you ruined everyone's plan
especially when people got no other transports
other than bike or bicycle =.=

i like this feeling

okie
let me start the blog from the morning
sorry if you think this is a bored one

2 presentations for today
well, i dont usually rehearse for presentation
same goes to this 2
><
woke up kinda early
instead of cycling and riding scooter
i decided to walk
thought it is the best idea as the weather in the morning is cool
although i sweat like hell after i reached campus
still i enjoy walking alone
maybe i should try to walk more if possible
haha
nothing much for the presentation part
just hope that my marks wont be too low

5pm tutorial class
is really a cool one
only 4 person included me attended
well,before the tutor came in
we were actually chatting
p&c
from that particular conversation i learnt a lot from my friends
you guys enlightened me as well as what DR KOK mentioned in lecture class earlier then
and also
this particular friend,only got to know in this semester
i mean talk to each other more
kind of great to hear those words from you
you make my day
at least i felt appreciated
should buck up more TAN ZONG YAN
haha
walk home alone in the evening
so glad that it doesnt rain
i am lucky
and i know YOU love me
enjoyed the scenery, how much i wish i can have a DSLR
hoping for it

lastly at night
guess what i did
tada....
this is what i did
for 2 special friends cum buddy that i got to know recently
hope they will like it
only half way done
haha ~~~
okie then
shall stop here.
good night^^


Monday, November 21, 2011

how long can i still withstand with this?

i am tired
i dont know why
the same things
are repeating in my life
it had been a few years
and this particular thing
happened from time to time

maybe i should start this when i am in form4
started to know what is care
started to know how to concern others
i showed my care to few juniors
at the beginning
everything seems to be fine
nothing went wrong
we eat,we chat,we laugh,we hang out
we have so much fun
until a day when school counselor came to see me
i really broke down and cried on the particular day
in front of my counselor
that stop me from caring on others

till the year when i am in lower 6
someone came to me
again
things went smoothly
we get along very very well
the same thing happened
we eat,we chat,we laugh,we hang out
we have fun
until one day
people started to get bored over same thing?
wondered
we stop contact
again, i am emo
LOL
not long after that
about a year when i am in upper 6
someone shows care and concern on me
we soon get along well
we have so much fun together
so much laughter
so much caring and concern
time flies
about a month
i am being dumped at aside
wow
amazing
i am in U life now
thought that people get matured
thinking shall not be so naive
but i am still the same
the naive one
thinking that it is the best to show your care and concern to people around you
as long as they appreciate and treat you well too
not to expect too much
here come this person
we know each other from FB at the first place
we chat although we dont meet
still
i got that person a birthday present
because i were told that 
the particular person havent receive any present before
thought of 
it is going to bring laughter to him/her
same thing happen
i am being ignored
this is not the end
i met a particular person almost at the same time
well,i felt being concerned and cared
thought this might be due to my care and concern to others too
well
good thing doesnt last long
soon,i were being accused again
the same accusation that i met with when i am in form4 by then
is hurt
is painful
i am alone
try to just be alone
to be independent
no one can actually messed up my life
till i met with this person
description same as above mentioned
i am happy
thought i had found someone that can be my
comrade
in the end
i still have to stand on my feet
get back to the life
where i used to be
alone
being ignored
withdraw myself from all possibilities of being cared and concerned
shouldnt put too much hope in others
especially when you really care for that person
we will leave one day
just the matter of time
soon or later

how long can i still withstand this?
i dont know
please dont show me care and concern if you are fake
i would rather you treat me badly that i wont feel sad.

不想要回到以前的我

今天的我特别早起床
因为昨晚的我特别早睡

今天的我起床
发现外头下雨了
想要出去淋雨的感觉又来了
但是不行
不能够生病

以前的我
都只是想着怎样对人家好
但是常常忘了
怎样去对自己好
最后都是自己
一个人寂寞,受伤首场
好不容易才学会对他人说‘不’
好不容易才放下其他人
说好对自己好一点

但是怎么了
现在的我
好像回到了以前的我
再次感觉到了寂寞,受伤

陈宗元
自己一个人也可以不寂寞的
加油
考试要到了
把握时间读书,考到好成绩才是最重要的

陈宗元,
记得自己的本性
对人家好是你的优点
不要去在意别人是怎样看你的
也不要要求任何的回报
量力而为就好
加油!!!





Saturday, November 19, 2011

blogging time

where should i start...
continue yesterday post

after back from MCD
7 something in the morning
guess what
i am having class at 9am
rush to print out the assignment
which caused me to have a sleepless night
bath and prepared myself for class
didnt even have time for me to have my breakfast
took a few packet of biscuits along


-----class-----
today's class was so special
our beloved lecturer, dr kok revise some of the thing we had studied
then come our beloved tutor
MISS LEE
she is a dedicated tutor i can say
she try to do what she can just to help we,as a student
dr kok and ms lee had a role-play of real counselling session
she plays as a client and dr kok as counselor
miss lee shared part of her real life story she had gone through
while listening to the counseling session
i think i can really understand how miss lee felt when she is trying to get through
almost cried out >.<
being too sentimental
or can i say that i am showing empathy towards client?
-----end-----

nothing much to describe about the class
but i did learnt a lot from there
thanks miss lee and also dr kok

rush to hand in assignment then went to briefing for 3 O's project
back home to put something
rushed to BEAUTIFUL GATE
-----working in progress-----
-----cleaning in progress-----
-----decorating in progress-----
the weather didnt cooperate with us
it rain
so one of our activity to bring people there to play at the park failed
but still hope that they enjoy what we had planned for them
celebrating birthday with 3 of them
a very big THANKS to my friend, mojo for sponsoring the birthday cakes
really grateful to you
hoping that 好人有好报
all the best to you

brought them to VEGAS for dinner
my first time there
looking at them eating ><
thanks jennifer for sharing half of her order with me
for your information, i got no time for lunch
almost die of hunger
after dinner brought KP home to put his camera
then back to my home with KP,after bath we went to tesco
as he wanted to buy things
then both of us went mamak at 10++ for dinner
haha
end of the day
i am tired but i am happy
hoping that KP can faster upload all the photos in his camera

last 48hours i just sleep for 4hours
this is so amazing as i last did this days when we are having camp in school
^_^
thanks for reading

Friday, November 18, 2011

once in a while










i like this few pictures a lot.
taken all this yesterday,thursay morning 17/11/2011.
at time 7am outside kaipeng's house.
while waiting,dont know what to do
so take photo.haha

this one taken about half an hour ago.
morning of 18/11/2011
location - mcd kampar,perak
due to deadline of assignment
i am here with 2 friends from different faculty
rushing finish assignment and presentation here
isnt it weird?
well,kaipeng already back home
left jayremy and me
i am glad that i done mine
pitiful jayremy
still rushing even though he is hungry
not like me
so free taking photo

just to say, i woke up for about 24hours already
first time in this semester.
haha.

afternoon after class got event.
awaiting for it
just kind of afraid that i might not have the energy to play with them
haha
semiconcious now^^

Thursday, November 17, 2011

why is this happening to me again?

people are not perfect
including me
i tried to act on my own way
people speak bad about you at the back
i tried to accommodate others
people dont appreciate
again they chosen to speak at your back again
people are hard to please
no matter how well
how hard you had been trying
there are still excuses for them to condemn on your hard work
this is just too sickening

you may call me the active one
i dont like to wait for others
because most of you are too passive
ask for ideas you will just say is ok
hell you
after saying OK then just followed what is being told to do
if you dont like it
voice it and discuss over it
explain it, persuade others with your reasons
you didnt
you didnt even voice up your opinion
you didnt tried to persuade me
i mean at least stop me from doing things that might affect you
at least give me some explanation and we discuss over it
you didnt
afraid of losing in reasoning?
looking down at me,feel lazy to care,to bother?
whatever that you would like to think
is all up to you
you failed to voice out you failed to grab the opportunity to change the situation
you yourself to blame for giving the chance to fly away
you cant blame on anyone else
you got no right to say who is right and who is wrong

is kind of like
you make me really disappointed
whatever it is
you act in your way
and i will continue with my own
go ahead and speak whatever you would like to do
friendship is hard to maintain
well,you can choose to give up
but i will not let you affect my mood or my life from now on
friend, you are just my friend
i shall now categories my friends into different level of importance to me
and you shall be one of the basic one
very normal friend or even a 'hi/bye' friend


all the best.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

middle of the night

the benefit of sleeping early
is that you were able to wake up early too

wake up in the middle of the night
the weather in kampar is the greatest
in day time,it will be damn hot
in middle night
you can just switch off the fan
and feel the cold breeze out there
the weather is just nice
gonna start doing assignment
yet i am slacking 
blogging and watching drama
^_^

in the middle of the night
although is kind of relaxing
yet something troubling me
~story begin~

i met with lot of people in life
i met with all sorts of people
i met with girls and boys
i met with introvert and extrovert
i met with generous and selfish
i met with open-minded and closed-minded
i met with caring and dont bother people
all sorts

people always think that i got a lot of friends
i will not feel lonely
but from time to time
things always repeating
i am glad that i have got the chance to meet with people
especially those who actually care for me
i really appreciate everyone of you in my life
your attendance in my life actually brighten up my life
and also makes me feel grey from time to time
wondering when can i actually get over all this
...grandmother's story...

just wanna say that i started to feel distance after sometimes with those i really care for
i really close to
from one of my friend,he mentioned to me that distance between 2 person make one feel secure
maybe it is true
maybe 
i shall just believe in this statement
i shall just keep some distance from everyone to prevent myself from being hurt
buck up!!!




Tuesday, November 15, 2011

今天的我

不知道是不是太累了
今天的我
用atm进电话钱过后
竟然忘了
要拿atm卡
什么啦
是不是太累了呢
怎么那么健忘呢
真实的
好在有人拿了卡去到了银行
谢谢你们
好心人

今天的我
上课好不专心
都在打瞌睡
好差点就真的睡下去了
真实的
好想骂自己

今天的我
有一点郁闷
跟朋友的关系
最近好像
不怎么好的说
有点开始感觉孤单
有点寂寞了
是我的问题吗?
我也不知道也

今天的我
一个人
在家吃块熟面当晚餐
怎么了呢?
今天的我
比起前几天的我
感觉是两个人
有点点失落
><

开始要赶报告了
这个星期五就要交上去了
要快要快
陈宗元
收拾好心情加油吧

我爱我自己

Monday, November 14, 2011

i am taking japanese language this semester.
having quiz on week 2,3 and also my midterm on week 4.
actually i am still kind of blur.
dont really know what i am learning.
today got back all the marks for the quizzes and also midterm.
the marks will be converted into 20%.
guess what,i actually got 19.5.
kind of happy.

today also had my first presentation in japanese.
oh my god.
i didnt really prepare for it.
only got to know this last friday.
got no mood to prepare at all.
and i think we are in a mess yet we manage to finish it smoothly.
got some compliment from our tutor.
hoping that our group can actually score well in this assignment.
another 20%. 
all the best people.




Saturday, November 12, 2011

我有很多很多小秘密。。。

我的人生中
发生了好多好多事情
有很多很多的秘密
没有什么人真的认识我
因为很多很多都不知道我的故事

这些故事
让我感觉到幸福
同时也让我感觉到
心如刀割的滋味

这些故事让我成长了很多
虽然大家可能
都会觉得我还很想小孩子
长不大
幼稚,爱开玩笑
想知道为什么吗...

理由是
我被伤害过
被别人也被自己伤害过
我难过过
失落过

现在的我
选择过着这样的生活
为了让自己开心
更加爱护自己

最后我觉得要有资格去爱别人`
首先要学会怎么样去爱自己
那么该怎样去学会爱自己呢?
也许,在学会爱自己之前
一个人因该要懂得
那个没人爱的感觉吧。。。












听听这个音乐吧。。。
甜甜的。。。

Friday, November 11, 2011

我要学会感恩。。。

刚才
我再一次的去到了美门
这是我第三次到那里
看到他们
真的开心
虽然不知道该跟他们说些什么
但是
就觉得很平静
很舒服
很开心
看着他们拿着我的手机
玩游戏,拍照
开心的笑的时候
我也笑了
没有为什么
很自然
没有伪装
谢谢你们,有机会
我会在过去看你们的

                                                                                                                                                                        


我是一个敏感的人
因为过去发生过的一些事情
让我觉得对自己有点没自信
我喜欢交朋友
认识新的朋友
对每一段友谊
都抱着一种期望
希望能够是永远的好朋友
但是
往往结局都会是一样的
人与人之间
太过在乎
表示失去的也会很快
别人眼里可能都觉得
我的交际很好
但是
我只能够说
你们看到的都是表面罢了
也许你们都会觉得
我很外向
我只能够说
那一切都是表面上你们所能够看到的罢了
。。。
最近又认识了一个新朋友
关系还算不错
但是这段友谊
我会选择
保持距离
因为不想要有误会
不想要失去朋友
这也算是
我对于这段友谊的考验
如果距离会让我们变成了陌生人
那么我们可能就真的是没有缘分做朋友
如果真的是这样
我还是会感恩
因为让我认识过你。




11.11.11

almost everyone in FB are talking about this
to me
i dont find it really special
just that it really need to wait for a long time
for this combination
well, is that why people are celebrating this day?
maybe

how do i celebrate?
...
didnt celebrate at all
still want to continue reading?

okie

first,i went out for breakfast at 6 something in the morning
had never tried this
riding my scooter early in the morning in kampar
first try
is so windy and the air was so fresh

second thing
i had two midterms in the same day
Counseling skills, i had tried my best and hope that i can score
Introduction To Japanese, i got scared when i first look at the past final exam question
and today i went in without really much preparation
am glad that i still able to get a 9.5 out of 10.
happy.

nothing much on this day
after midterm
assignment deadlines and also presentation

all the best to all my dear coursemates
all the best to all my friends too^^
with love 11.11.11 <3

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

谢谢你

在这里
我要感谢以为朋友
他是我来到金宝
才认识的一位朋友
为什么想要感谢他呢?

因为他让我感觉到
我存在在这个世界是有用的
以前的我
不断的寻找一些人
不断的对人家好
不断的想要人家认同我
相信我
但是。。
好像没有遇到几个

严格来说
在金宝,他是第一个
就连我真的很在乎的那个人
也从来都不对我说出他的心里话

朋友
我想说
谢谢你
跟我分享了那么多
还有愿意相信我
我答应你
我会尽量帮你的
谢谢了

以前的我
人家都会说我鸡婆,八卦
所以让我渐渐的离开人群
不去追问别人不想告诉我的事
现在想想
算了,知道还有愿意相信我
我真的很开心

不知道你会不会读到我的部落各
但是还是要说
朋友,谢谢你
感觉很好

顺便,
还有一个她
也很相信我
告诉了我很多她的秘密
你会读到我的部落各吗?
谢谢你啦


Tuesday, November 8, 2011

今天怎么了

今天怎么了?
怎么就开心不起来呢?
感觉就是怪怪的
怎么了啦
心里在想些什么呢?
哎哟哟。。。
我也不懂啦
明天又考试也
下星期也忙啊

不要那么没心情好吗?
我还要读书的也
要收拾好自己的心情
加油啦。

Monday, November 7, 2011

is this

is this a kind of retribution?
am i receiving a retribution for trying to get away from someone who care for me?
why am i being so cheap on myself?

people that treat me nicely
i avoided
at the same time
i get my face stick to those who dont bother
to care
to concern
to appreciate

from now on
i guess
i need to do something
on myself
be myself
just myself
i dont need other to care for me
i dont need other to concern me
i dont need anyone to appreciate me
i am just myself
being myself for who i am supposed to be
i had done my part
and is up to you who make a judgement
whatever judgement it is
i am not going to bother

to : tan zongyan
is really time for you to grow up
mind you
you are already 20
no longer a secondary student
stop being silly
stop being stupid
stop being too kind
reject whenever you think you are not oblige to do things requested
you are not saint
how much effort you had put in
there will be people who will just make judgement on you
you are not going to be appreciated from everyone
just be yourself
be strong
dont cry
live for yourself

一天又过了

是怎样啦
明明知道考试时间要到了
今天的我
下午出门找朋友
回到家看偶像剧
看着看着
晚餐时间
吃了继续看
看了好久好久
真的有点受不了自己
干吗那么懒惰啊
明天不可以在浪费时间了啦。。
TT

Sunday, November 6, 2011

不一样了。。。

我的部落各不一样了
颜色不一样了
从黄黄的
便成白白的了

看起来舒服多了
也提醒了我
凡事都要保持

。。冷静。。

改一改自己的脾气
凡事要与包容的心态
去对待
面对自己不怎么爽的人
的时候要用

。。微笑。。

来带过
切记切记
不能让自己的表情
出卖了自己

包容与微笑
不代表我在伪装
只是不想让局面过于难看
想要保留我们之间的友谊
毕竟
朋友,相与也不是简单的事
没有一定的缘分
因该不会认识到对方吧

改变自己
今天开始

Saturday, November 5, 2011

下雨天

怎么了啦
每天都下雨
很讨厌啦
因为下雨
整个人的心情
变得郁闷了

什么都不想做了
懒惰到一个点了
跟自己说过
不行,不能这样的
但是
真的没有心情啦

午餐到现在
都没有吃
算了。吃饼干好了

><

university life...

what does a university life for others look like?
is it similar to mine?

kind of wondering about this.
i like to join activities.
i like to work together with others.
i like to mix with new people,new friends.
at the same time,
i miss my home.
i miss my family.

looks like this are totally different case.
but when activities happened to be carried out during semester break.
what do you think?
i need to spend about 6 hours journey to get back to my hometown.
besides that, the semester break is so short.
time to spend with family members also shortened.

really in a dilemma now.
should i join RCM or shouldnt i?

how do you define U life?
is it normal to be in this situation?
in U life,does it mean we should be more independent?
not to rely from family member too much?
i suppose it is.

have to make a phone call back home tomorrow.
have a chat with mum.
see whether she have got any opinion for me to stay in kampar
although it is my semester break.

all the best people.!!!

Friday, November 4, 2011

being human

being a human
we should live for ourselves
being ourselves
and not to live for others.

well,this might be true
no doubt

but
to me
no one can actually survive
by being alone
life continue
even a person left us
yet
we need others to be with us

hence
i will not hesitate
to be there for you
because
i wont know 
when 
where
i might need you
to be my side too

cherish me 
when i am around for you
i will cherish in return

appreciate those
who had been 
with me all this while ^^

goodnight people.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

我大声笑了

在不久前
yinhuie回到家
告诉了我他们的assignment要做的产品。
猜猜看是什么??
。。。
。。。
。。。
尽然是女生的内衣裤><
有一点感觉无言。
继续问他
他们要怎样improve那个东西。
然后自己又加盐加醋的。
然后又像个傻瓜
狂笑不停
好像有点缺氧@@

好不容易
我不笑了
会想了一下
有多久了
我最后一次这样狂笑呢?
好像很久没有这样笑过了。
感觉很不一样。
突然觉得自己的狂笑
是假的

我真的那么开心吗?
我的笑,是因为真的好笑
真的开心吗?
是真的吗?

我自己也不清楚
只是知道自己现在觉得很寂寞
很孤独
加上一点压力
心情好乱好乱
assignment要开始了
考试要到了
presentation也不远了。
还有一些还没完成的活动
怎么办呢?

我能应付的来吗?

真的。
我自己也不知道。
希望我和幸福的约定能够实现。。
大家。要幸福哦。