nobody

I am glad that I am still able to sit down here jotting down my feeling in this pitiful blog
I still remember clearly that this blog is for me to jot down every happy moment that I have in my U life
yet, somehow unhappy moments usually surpassed those happy one
I wonder why
perhaps I, myself being too sensitive and being over concerned in everything happened around me
for instance,
those people around me, I sincerely treated everyone as friend
how many of them actually care in the same way?
or maybe I am just a representative to them
a person who they able to look for when in need?
maybe this is my responsibility
as I myself proposed myself for this position
and I wonder who am I to them
why am I caring so much?

I am taking disorder in child and adolescents in this semester
a lot of symptoms been read
somehow I feel like I am having depression
withdrawal symptom is with me
feeling like going disappear
while waiting to see who is the one who really care for me
perhaps only my family members will do so

writing this blog is saddening
I dont want myself to get into depress
I want to stay cheerful
I want to stay happy
but
how?
I miss my friends
but do they really miss me as well?
I am afraid of loneliness, I am trying hard to adapt
but how?
who am I?
I dont know
and I dont know who am I to want others to understand me

I feel like sleeping and never get up
is not that I wanted to die
I just want to runaway from this reality

I may not be perfect
yet I am trying to be fair to everyone
start to wonder is there fairness around?

you are in a group of friends
I am just nobody
nobody 
nobody
nobody

guess what, I am going to sleep
I just dont know what is my motivation to carry on moving...

射手男。。。

do you believe in horoscope?
at once, I used to use my dad hp to get daily horoscope prediction
I guess that was when I am in primary school
somehow the predictions are so true
this is really hard to believe but I guess I had to believe in it

it has been some moment when I stop this act
somehow I have the feeling saying that due to the believe I have making me to react as predicted
and somehow you got no chance to not to believe

what says about a Sagittarius?
I dont really go in depth with this
yet somehow the description of Sagittarius are compatible to who am I now
I am wondering
do I really understand myself by using the description of Sagittarius
am I really the person as mentioned in the says of Sagittarius?
I dont know the answer.

the story of mine goes in this way
Sagittarius is being described as a person who is sociable, can mix around with others happily
yet is a horoscope who is always with loneliness
somehow this is so true and happening almost everytime of my life
I went around mixing with lots of people
therefore, people sees me always have the perception that I have a lot of friends
yet there are moments when I suffered from loneliness
some of my friends they have a clique where they belong to
who am I
which group of them am I belong to
I wonder
as I always travel around as a traveller
I dont have a home
I dont have a place where I really belong to
is this true?
I guess the reason that I dont belong to any clique is easily being understood
that is because I move like a traveller

recently my mood changes in quite a big amount
I dont know why should I bother so much on what was being said by her
soomehow her words hurt me a lot
perhaps this is because I care too much on the person who may only treatment as a trespasser or even a joke in their live
can this happen? I wonder...

earlier then you mentioned that you dont like Sagittarius boy
yeap, this hurt and somehow my heart is telling me to let go
somehow I dont belong to here and have to get moving

being ignored by those you care for can somehow be a burden to our emotions
I had been trying to reject
I tried to be selfish
somehow I always tend to feel that I cant make a decision in rejecting offers or requesting for help
this somehow sometime caused me to have emotional burnout

a lot of things to mention
yet my brain had stop functioning and I have difficulty in understanding my writing as well
therefore, till here the story of today 
story to be continue after reconstruction =)

this is just my way to express, and I guess everything goes well

乱乱写的

不知不觉的两个星期就这样过去了
2013年也即将来到了尾声
你们发觉时间的速度吗？

27/10/2013
这一天合计为大学朋友相约了一起去sekinchan
一个我在很久以前就想要去的地方
聚在一起的时间不多
因为都来之不一样的科系
所以这一次聚会真的好难的
也很开心
很多以前一起做事的回忆
感恩认识到你们这一班朋友 <3

28/10/2013
今天的自己不知怎么的一下就被他人的言语激怒
是自己不懂事吗
还是还没看破红尘啊
人吗，谁不是为了自己活呢
我也不例外，不是吗
定律改不了，那么就改变自己吧
不去计较那么多
有些事要计较也计较不完的
也许他们也只是不故意说出了那一番话
射手座吗，只是会记得人家对你的好与不好
射手座吗，不是记仇的星座
我就是射手座

28/10/2013
你们可以说我开始不堪寂寞了
很想要快一点毕业，却舍不得这里的一切回忆
这是自然的吗
还是本人犯贱呢
自己也不是很了解
一波一波的高潮，最终还是要回到低潮
记忆不是万能的，也是唯有照片能够保存一切的回忆
我珍惜
我感恩
我在乎
寂寞时就拥抱自己
回到照片里的回忆吧


×你们恋爱过吗？
×暗恋感觉怎样呢？
×有没有尝试过在一群异性朋友面前听着他们的择偶条件，发现自己完全不可能会有女友的机会的感觉？
×正常吗？

也许自己也还没有完全准备好吧
也许这样也的生活也就足够了吧

男人，女人

最近中国好像很流行相亲节目

一开始的自己认为这样的节目很无聊

所以也没有什么去看

无意间看了一点点的【非常完美】

结果爱哭的我被感动了，也因为男女嘉宾的告白而哭了

男人，你怎么那么爱哭啊。。。

新的学期开始了

突然感觉自己好老哦

还有，周围很多人都在拍拖

自己却没有拍拖的经验（说了自己都觉得不好意思呢）

有想过要拍拖却不知道自己的她是谁

×我等待的她，真的是适合我们两个的她吗？

当人家问起为什么没有女朋友，

我的答案都会是：没有人要啊。

他们都会说放低眼光，会有的。

不然就是，你认识的女生那么多，那里可能找不到。

这些话

其实，是自卑心作乱吧

自认自己不是什么很帅的帅哥

也不是可爱型的

更加不是什么花美男型

再来就是不是很man的那种

没才没艺

也没有钱哦

谁会要哦？

多么想知道女生喜欢的男生会是怎样的。

这几日都和几位女生朋友出门运动什么的

也知道他们有几位刚刚面对情伤

话里无时无刻都会听到他们提起男人的坏

不然就是他们喜欢的男生类型

有兴趣知道吗？

当然我这种普通人在他们眼里只不过是朋友吧了

如果要当男朋友

可能只有站在门口外的份吧

我要的很简单

真的很简单

我只是想要一个细水长流的恋情啊

有那么困难吗？

哈哈

×我等的他，不知道那感觉是什么

×我等的他，我不敢踏出那一步，因为有很多的未知数

×我等的他，也许完全不懂我在等他

×我等的他。。。

好久都没写部落格了

今天突然写了这篇有点乱七八糟的东西

可能只是想恋爱了吧

有人会来读吗？