friend, good friend, best friend, pal, buddy -
are you familiar with all these terms?
have you ever classified your friends around into any of these category?
noticed any changes in your classification over time?
have you ever think of what does friend mean?
have you ever think of how important are you in the life of your good/best friend etc?
have you ever come to a moment when you realize that you got no friend?
or perhaps dont know who is willing to be there when you are in need of help?
no one to listen to
no one to bother/care at all
feeling alone and lost
thinking of the wrong that you ever did to caused all these happening
well, here is my story :
as far as I can remember, all these terms are usually seen during my primary year
that is when we will write it down in friends' autograph(纪念册)
after studying for 6 years in primary school,
I suppose everyone of us would have a certain group of friends who we usually stick together
as we all graduated from primary, everyone were being sent to different secondary schools in town
somehow the friendship that we had seems to distanced
I seriously wondered, how many of my primary school friends are still in touch
seems like I am having really little memory on this moment
after taking psychology for my degree
I became more understanding to why adolescents are doing better by retrospect my past
I wonder why most of my friends have particular group
meanwhile I am like a flies without eyes
flying here and there, from one group to the other
perhaps this is where my problem started
friends usually go out together with their group
we are friends yet I got a strong feeling of out-group
or maybe I am just indeed not belong to any of the group
as I grow older, I came to noticed that
almost all the terms as abovementioned, the terms that I am so familiar with
are now nothing but a vocabulary
I start to think if there is a need to classify friends around you into category?
somehow I think that it is not
they are all the same - human
time flies, social network growth, human change
I wonder how many readers will agree to this
yet I am still blogging about it from my own experience
I used to be very concerned and caring to almost every of my friends
stick to the simplest principle of mine - I will treat whoever treat me nicely in double
I am not sure is this a principle or just my own way of trying to not to lose any friends
I am not so sure how many of you agree
but I think that I am a very easygoing person
until lately, I turned to be kinda calculative and also realistic
as I mentioned, people change
there is time when I am somehow depress
I found myself got no one to talk to
and this is so contradict as almost all of my friends will say -
wow!you are good in socializing,impossible for you to have no friend
well, true. I got a lot of friends due to my outgoing personality
yet, deep inside my heart is 0,which means I always feeling alone
and I did tried self-harm in the past
whereby I really take everyone in my life seriously
when the relationship (I mean among friends) seems to go wrong
I will be very down and start to self criticized myself
meanwhile seems like everyone dont understand me
I am really sad at those time
as mentioned, human change - I am human, of course I do change over time
and now I take things slightly lighter
not as serious as before
but there are many situations where I cant control myself
some words from friends are just way too hurting as if my present is nothing to them
I do feel sad but I know I shouldnt feel sad for too long
as these are all part of parcels of human life
human nature to take everything as granted
although this may be true,
I am still being very willing to offer my help to any of my friends
even if I am not important to them at all
so, do not hesitate to ask from my help
with the condition, is in my ability
somehow, some problems are just too personal to touch
and I understand trust is very important issue when you wanna share your problems with
I myself wont simply tell others my story
but then, I am quite sure that I can be a good listener to you
*this is a response to a friend who had posted in WeChat moment.
*outline composed during bathing.
*consequence of being too busybody and always think too much.
