nobody

I am glad that I am still able to sit down here jotting down my feeling in this pitiful blog
I still remember clearly that this blog is for me to jot down every happy moment that I have in my U life
yet, somehow unhappy moments usually surpassed those happy one
I wonder why
perhaps I, myself being too sensitive and being over concerned in everything happened around me
for instance,
those people around me, I sincerely treated everyone as friend
how many of them actually care in the same way?
or maybe I am just a representative to them
a person who they able to look for when in need?
maybe this is my responsibility
as I myself proposed myself for this position
and I wonder who am I to them
why am I caring so much?

I am taking disorder in child and adolescents in this semester
a lot of symptoms been read
somehow I feel like I am having depression
withdrawal symptom is with me
feeling like going disappear
while waiting to see who is the one who really care for me
perhaps only my family members will do so

writing this blog is saddening
I dont want myself to get into depress
I want to stay cheerful
I want to stay happy
but
how?
I miss my friends
but do they really miss me as well?
I am afraid of loneliness, I am trying hard to adapt
but how?
who am I?
I dont know
and I dont know who am I to want others to understand me

I feel like sleeping and never get up
is not that I wanted to die
I just want to runaway from this reality

I may not be perfect
yet I am trying to be fair to everyone
start to wonder is there fairness around?

you are in a group of friends
I am just nobody
nobody 
nobody
nobody

guess what, I am going to sleep
I just dont know what is my motivation to carry on moving...