原来这个部落格荒废了那么就哦，今天来更新吧

嗨，还有读者吗？
大家都过得好吗？
开场白有点无聊，回来看看我的部落格的应该就那几位朋友吧。
现在还有人写部落格吗？

想说今天会开起他纯粹就是想要写一下自己的心情。
这将会是一个乱七八糟没有营养的部落格。
不想浪费时间的可以离开了哦。

513， 我们认识了。谢谢你这一个星期以来的扶持和陪伴。
你的那一句“give it a try",让我陷入了。
今天的“let be friend atm”,真的有让我一度的难过。
但是我知道这只是暂时的情绪变动。
毕竟依赖突然就消失了。人是需要时间适应变化的。
我没哭哦。我希望你在找到更好的之前就让我以朋友的身份来对你好吧。

再来，这两年熬的有点辛苦。
但是，很感恩有着一般一直以来鼓励这我的朋友。
让我压力的时候都熬了下来。
还有两个星期，一切将会结束。
但是，今天却收到了一些评语。
话说，不说我也知道吧。我这个人也没什么优点。
厉害讲话也只不过是爱讲，没有内容的讲。
一无是处却装着一脸自信。
有点累了。

放心，这不是道别问。
也不是什么遗书。
想说5年/10年/20年后的自己如果还活着，看到这样的自己是骄傲还是哭泣。
废话完了。
再见 =)

谢谢弟弟妹妹的合作

Had a visitation to Sekolah Jalinan Bimbingan Kasih today morning.
Well, for many of us, I don't think we are aware of such school.
Even for myself, this is the first time for me to get to know about its existence.
It is a school situated at one of the most chaotic place in KL which is Chow Kit.
You would not realize there is this school even you pass by it everyday, at least this is true to me.
Before the visitation, there are a lot of stories being told by my classmate who did a visitation earlier.
He described the students there using some of the experience the school faced, such as gangsterism etc.
I am quite worry about the way to handle this group of teenagers.
To my surprise, they are not as bad as being described.
They are just a group of normal adolescents, playful and challenging.
However, I would really like to thanks everyone of them in my groups for being cooperative with the activity and also to their willingness to share with strangers like us.
How many of us can actually tell out stories to others who we do not know?

This is a very special school.
Let me tell you why...
The students who attend this school are not required to come in school uniform.
They do now have to come according to time.
They do not follow the mainstream curriculum.
They are all children who had been marginalized. Those who missed the opportunity to receive formal education with different kind of reasons.
So, what comes into your mind now?
What do you think about the students that you might be facing?

Indeed, some of them are truly naughty and playful.
However, ever think of why are they behaving in this way?
They seems to be carefree, coming to school without worries, shouting and teasing among each other.
But, how much do we understand them?
How many of us can really say that we fully understand them?

From today sharing session, although only for about 3 to 4 hours spent,
I can really see that deep inside their heart, they are not as happy as shown by their faces expression.
Masking.
They try to portray their best to others but not the ugliest/saddest part deep in their heart.
Agree?

To the girl, A, thanks for being so truthful during the session.
I know is hard when everytime we are trying our best and voices come in and hit us hardly,
The condemnation is the utmost awful experience one can actually feel.
However, please believe in yourself and never give up your dream to become a singer.
Grasp every single chance you may have from this school.
I believe the school teacher will do the best in digging out a student's greatest potential.
This goes to SS as well, who had lost her father. You can do it!!!

Apart from that, today, there is a boy S, who joined the group during the second session.
He did not participate in the collage activity.
Hence, the sharing started by us questioning him. Asking him to describe himself using an animal.
Thanks for the sharing, S. No one can actually understand his hardship, unless you had gone through the same path.
It is not yet his responsibility, while at least not now, a teenager to undergone such stress.
The stress come from uncertainties, worries, afraid and loss.
To a man who is able to express his true emotion, he is the greatest and toughest.
This is because, he is able to identify his own expression and able to release it at suitable time.
Although my sharing might not be able to help much.
I believe, you can stay strong and be able to withstand all the uncertainties.
Thanks for being so cheerful and making the group laugh during the session.
Couldn't make it to wish you; however, I hope that you can excel in your study and change the situation or life you are living now.

Sincerely, if there is a chance for me to serve this group of students, I will definitely be there again.
Once again, thank you adik-adik.

时间是无情的

很快的，时间一天一天的过去。

五月就这样过了一个星期。

话说，三个星期后又要准备考试了。

我清楚了解，只需要在努力多一下，撑过去就没事了。

最多是考试时期压力一点罢了。

但是那些报告让我好懒惰。

我真的不是一个喜欢读书的人。

更加别提写报告了。

但是，没有办法的说。。。这是读书的其中一部分。

12个个案的报告，完成但还没修饰的只有一份。

还有11份是要怎样做完呢？最近还有一堆dateline要赶。。。

两天只写了4面。这样合理吗？

你们是不是觉得我犯贱呢？

明知道没时间了，怎么还在这里瞎呢。。。

因为实在是有心无力啊。。。

只好来这里发泄一下后继续忙咯。

毕竟，这里没什么人来。可以自由的写我爱写的。

面书太复杂，微信也没差。

唯有这里，人少事非少。。哈哈

也不怕影响他人的心情。。。。

有时候真的越做感觉越累。

有些时候，做的事情给不到自己满足感真的很要命啊。

满足感，成就感才是动力吧？

每天和机器人没两样的过着生活 ><

这绝对不是我想要的。

嘴上说妈妈怎样都会支持我。

是的，的却是这样没错。

但是，有哪位父母不希望看到自己的儿女有更好的前途呢？

别说老一辈的父母了，学业上的成就使他们的骄傲啊。

这也许是因为他们以前没有机会吧。

能够看到儿女的成功，也许是他们的骄傲啊。

当然，我知道不是所有的父母。

但，至少我吗他应该是这样想吧。

自己很没出息的和他说不想念书的念头，

知道他也许不开心。但是他不说。。。

因为他也不想孩子压力。

陈宗元啊！！！

你要撑过去！！！

再累也要过！！！

怎么了？

感觉这已经不是我第一次问自己这个问题了。

不知不觉的，第二个学期已经来到了第10个星期。

时间飞逝的特别快，让我毫无防备的跌入了些许忧郁的情况。

现在在做着的，真的是我真的喜欢的吗？

当初的决定，是那么的清楚。

但是现在呢？

真的感觉到有些累了。

每个星期面对着这些小朋友，评估，测试，怎么感觉自己就像是机器人呢？

很多小朋友来到这里，为了测试是否是自闭儿。

一眼看下去，不是，测试了，有些有可能，有些不是。

报告要怎样做？一开始就到现在，其实我们都没有真的学如何写报告。

我真的很累。

有些家长甚至不知道自己为什么要到这里来。

就因为医生的一个推荐，他们就来了。

我累

我累

我累了。。。

只好听听范玮琪的歌来给自己打气

“最初的梦想”，每一次觉得很累的时候，听听真的会好点。

加油，没有及格也是自己的命。我努力就是了 =)

My Current Journey

It had been two years since I last posted here.

There were a few changes in these 2 years time.

I had graduated from my degree study back in 2014.

Manage to celebrate my mum's birthday in Kampar, a day before my convocation.

At the same time, daddy was admitted into IJN for bypass operation.

Everything seems to be chaotic at that time.

Because there were so many things that I need to settle down.

Oops. Forget to mention that, I was also being offered a place to further study in UKM.

I need to take care of daddy in hospital and worry about my place to stay at the same time

However, everything passed.

Started my study but deferred after 3 months. At that time, I worried and anxious extremely.

Whether can I manage to complete my task, I don't wish to fail.

I made the decision to defer from study.

Thanks for wonderful friend I have. I manage to get a job as a kindergarten teacher & tuition teacher.

YES, working two jobs at the same time is extremely tiring.

But, it is wonderful to see smiles from children's faces.

After working for a few months, the time to make a decision arrived.

To continue my study or to give up?

Actually I am proud that I was enrolled in the study and don't wish to give up just like that.

Apart from that, seeing many other friends of mine are doing great makes me envy.

OK! I took up the challenge and decide to continue my study.

Once again, thanks for those friends who are always around me.

I manage to get through the first semester.

I will cut short!!!

Now, in second semester. Started internal practical.

We need to carry out assessment on all the child referred by medical officers and also expert from other discipline. 

I would say I learned a lot. But I know I shouldn't stop learning.

Had my first case conference yesterday.

It was out of a sudden one and I didn't know exactly what it is and just presented my case.

Some of the clinicians and friends tried to help. I really appreciate it.

However, there was one who left with kinda furry face. Sorry if I disappointed you in anyway.

HAHA

This is not the exact reason for me to do this posting.

Recently, I am getting more and more frustrated with someone.

I wonder what does this person trying to portray about him/herself.

This is not the first time, he/she had been trying hard to place his/her thought into others.

Stop doing this to me. I had been tolerating for your weird behaviour.

You like to understand others by your own interpretation, I don't think this is a right way to communicate.

Really getting more and more tired. HAHA

Just wondering am I being too sensitive. Just feel that I am such a useless person. =)

Well, let see how this semester end. I am perfectly fine if I can't graduate.

Is this so called resiliency? Haha. I don;t know.

Time to get back to work. All the best people. =)

5月4日 星期日 晴天

起床的那一瞬间突然觉得时间过得非一般的快

不知不觉的一个月的时间剩下不到一个礼拜

当初很讨厌这个地方，一心想要快些毕业和离开

如今心情很复杂

不知道自己在离开这里后的生活会是怎样的

就如当初不知道自己来到这里会怎样

三年，这段时间发生了很多很多事情

这一个部落格也因为想要记录下自己的故事而开

结果没有好好地利用

记录的也只是一部分

突然发现自己很喜欢逃避

因为已经把一部分的记忆给选择遗忘

要不然记忆已经是模糊的了

人生，来来去去多少个过客

我比较贪心，因为都想留住每一个过客

但是我知道自己没有那个本事

曾经要好，不代表将来还能够继续联络

我知道这样说也许对对方不公平

但是我希望自己不会被遗忘，更加不像以往那些对我好的人

三年的大学生活，我想我没有浪费

参与了很多活动，让生活变得很充实

认识了很多朋友，虽然有些已经很少联络

但是这一段友谊，这一些回忆是缘分给予的

我感恩认识每一个你们

我感恩每一段一起相处的时光

虽然说现在科技发达，互联网也能够让我们继续联系

但是距离真的不会让人的关系疏远吗？

我不知道

我害怕寂寞

我害怕独自一人的感觉

我害怕被遗忘

我害怕没有朋友的日子

也许是自己胆小吧

这一个晴天，我呆在房里

自己一个人在为一些不肯定的未来烦心

最后也不懂自己在写些什么

3天，3天后就要离开这里了

不舍得啊。。。。。

老师，彭友。。。珍重啊。。。

Time flies, Social network growth, Human change, Circle shifted

friend, good friend, best friend, pal, buddy -

are you familiar with all these terms? 

have you ever classified your friends around into any of these category? 

noticed any changes in your classification over time?

have you ever think of what does friend mean?

have you ever think of how important are you in the life of your good/best friend etc?

have you ever come to a moment when you realize that you got no friend?

or perhaps dont know who is willing to be there when you are in need of help?

no one to listen to

no one to bother/care at all

feeling alone and lost

thinking of the wrong that you ever did to caused all these happening

well, here is my story : 

as far as I can remember, all these terms are usually seen during my primary year

that is when we will write it down in friends' autograph(纪念册)

after studying for 6 years in primary school, 

I suppose everyone of us would have a certain group of friends who we usually stick together

as we all graduated from primary, everyone were being sent to different secondary schools in town

somehow the friendship that we had seems to distanced

I seriously wondered, how many of my primary school friends are still in touch

seems like I am having really little memory on this moment

after taking psychology for my degree

I became more understanding to why adolescents are doing better by retrospect my past

I wonder why most of my friends have particular group

meanwhile I am like a flies without eyes

flying here and there, from one group to the other

perhaps this is where my problem started

friends usually go out together with their group

we are friends yet I got a strong feeling of out-group

or maybe I am just indeed not belong to any of the group

as I grow older, I came to noticed that

almost all the terms as abovementioned, the terms that I am so familiar with

are now nothing but a vocabulary

I start to think if there is a need to classify friends around you into category?

somehow I think that it is not

they are all the same - human

time flies, social network growth, human change

I wonder how many readers will agree to this 

yet I am still blogging about it from my own experience

I used to be very concerned and caring to almost every of my friends

stick to the simplest principle of mine - I will treat whoever treat me nicely in double

I am not sure is this a principle or just my own way of trying to not to lose any friends

I am not so sure how many of you agree

but I think that I am a very easygoing person

until lately, I turned to be kinda calculative and also realistic

as I mentioned, people change

there is time when I am somehow depress

I found myself got no one to talk to

and this is so contradict as almost all of my friends will say - 

wow!you are good in socializing,impossible for you to have no friend

well, true. I got a lot of friends due to my outgoing personality

yet, deep inside my heart is 0,which means I always feeling alone

and I did tried self-harm in the past 

whereby I really take everyone in my life seriously

when the relationship (I mean among friends) seems to go wrong

I will be very down and start to self criticized myself

meanwhile seems like everyone dont understand me

I am really sad at those time

as mentioned, human change - I am human, of course I do change over time

and now I take things slightly lighter

not as serious as before

but there are many situations where I cant control myself

some words from friends are just way too hurting as if my present is nothing to them

I do feel sad but I know I shouldnt feel sad for too long 

as these are all part of parcels of human life

human nature to take everything as granted

although this may be true, 

I am still being very willing to offer my help to any of my friends

even if I am not important to them at all

so, do not hesitate to ask from my help

with the condition, is in my ability

somehow, some problems are just too personal to touch

and I understand trust is very important issue when you wanna share your problems with

I myself wont simply tell others my story

but then, I am quite sure that I can be a good listener to you

*this is a response to a friend who had posted in WeChat moment. 

*outline composed during bathing.

*consequence of being too busybody and always think too much.